Letters from my journal.

Random thoughts and entries:

12/9/11- Apartment, on computer.
Our first week in Rio was incredible. We connected with the Journal do Brazil, a major newspaper here in Brazil since 1891. We are spending this next week working with them and searching through their archives of articles, pictures and stories creating the landscape for the Bossa Nova movement and the culture at the time. Friday we took a cab to see a friends show  in Tijuca at the Sao Clemente samba school. They were performing their 10 songs to pick for Carnival. They started the night playing last years song, the Queen of the school came out with their flag, and as she spun around the room, building the energy of the crowd. The colors of the school, black and yellow, littered the place like confetti. 30+ people were on stage banging away each with an individual drum and piece to play, not skipping a beat. 500+ people in the audience, women dancing like a dream, men showing up dancers from the lord of the dance as if they were born to dance.... they were. As the queen danced and pulled energy from the band into the crown the building we were in ignited, (figuratively). I began to cry as the beat of the bateria, and the force of the energy took over my body. It was a life changing experience.  It was wonderful.  We later found out not only were we in the wrong place, our friend never played there that night, but Sao Clemente was the Samba school that threw a party for Nara Leao as a backlash to Bossa Nova, when she turned her back on the movement. Had we known Sao Clemente had celebrated the death of Bossa Nova, and the rejection of the movement by Nara, I may have not been touched as deeply. It is amazing how things happen as they are meant to be.

11/9/11 Night- Street
Outside a small cafe "BipBip" on our street. A Pagoge Jam session took place at 12am.
"The cripple walks by struggling, every inch of him hurts. Yet he manages to eek out the melody of the current Pagode tune. Zoom out to reveal 8 musicians around a table crammed inside a packed tiny cafe, which when filled to capactity could only seat 10 people. Spilling out onto the street are young people, my friends, all singing along quietly to the songs of the past. Jim tells me, that is what Pagode means. Zoom out further to reveal a black mess of people speaking softly drinks in hand. No applause at the end of the song because that would disturb the neighbors. This "jam" would never happen in the United States becuase we would never call a "Jam" a genre. We could never whisper and contain our loud voices in respect for the neighbors, which allowed for this intimate session to take place, for 30+ people to enjoy and take part in. The man who was playing the shaker the whole time, keeping the beat intact cleans up beer cans pouring them into the street. Everyone cleans after themselves in a communal respect for the location. People disperse into the night leaving around 1am with smiles and love in their eyes. I look up from my journal and it is as if it never happened at all."

 Miles and miles of designs like this make up the sidewalks here in Copacobana.

Interview with Nathan (translation), pandero player at BipBip:
"Samba is the music to make money.
Bossa is from the heart.
You are fucked if you play from the heart."

10/9/11 8pm-Beach Cafe
"I sat with Jim and Rob, in this incredibly elegant hotel, The Copacabana Palace, eating a meal made for kings, and I did not feel guilt for once. Nor did I feel totally deserving of this expense but Brazil does something to the conscience, it puts you in a state of goodness, where there is no sadness, guilt, stress or frustration. Even though oppression sits in the hills only a few blocks from us, the Brazilian people somehow have a joy and love for life that has no bounds. Time is irrelevant, hangups don't seem to exist.

My mother and I talked about the difference between dreams and goals before I left. As I sat here with Jim and Rob, eating Feijoada, incredible meats from every part of a cow, pig, palm hearts, bean stew. We talked about the differences in our culture and the culture here in Brazil. We talked about how as 3 individuals we can come together to fulfill our dreams... together... We sat here in a room where Joao Gilberto played many a night. I closed my eyes as if he was there at that moment. So much of my life has been designed by the past. I sit here on a beach in Rio on the verge of a project which the subject matter deals with a movement and characters that existed decades ago. Johnny Cash in my ear as I write this, a CBGB T shirt on my body. Even this Journal which I stole from the times 4 years ago, now captures my thoughts in this moment so years from now I can relive each detail of the journey. Goals have a time line. They get crossed off lists. They can propel you forward when they are achieved, or can keep you stuck in time when you struggle to complete them. But Dreams... Dreams never die. They live on past the dreamers own life. I am here to experience and capture the dreams of the founders of Bossa Nova, and to keep that dream alive. At first I thought this passage would relate directly to what Chega de Saudade means because of how I spoke about time. But maybe it has nothing to do with time. Chega de Saudade is about dreams."

9/9/11 9pm- Copacabana beach, between two fishermen.
"In Rio time evaporates. Each new experience strips away a layer of my past, making room for a different future. This process is vital to my artistic projects. Like the burn of a forest or the eroding of the beach by the waves, I attempt to wash away all that I was before in order to become the person the project needs me to be. This method approach seems to be the only way I can create earnestly. Too many times I have seen art, music, and film where the creator forces themselves on their passion. I am passionate about what I do because creating for me allows me to be sculpted by each project."